May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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