Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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