what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
sex in a hospital.. check
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
