Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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