I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
