I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
