And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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