2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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