Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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