wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
