i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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