ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
