I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
