That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this just has baby written all over it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
