I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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