3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
