Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
