No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
