are you still at the devil's house?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
