Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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