I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
