Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
