I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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