Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
