My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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