He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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