do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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