pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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