Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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