Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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