Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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