This girl is more easily done than said...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
