I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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