i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
