I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
