NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
