Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I did not marry a roomba.
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