yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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