Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
