The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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