Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
