I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
