How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
