1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
