I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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