i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
