During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
