Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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