I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
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