why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
