Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I enjoy the company of your penis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
